Domestic violence service is extended for men battered by violent partners
A male domestic violence victim has urged people to break their silence as a charity launched a new service for men battered by violent partners.
Women's Aid Leicestershire is providing a counselling service for male victims of domestic abuse after the growing number of men prepared to speak out about violent partners convinced the charity that the service is needed.
Leicestershire police believe men were the victims in up to one fifth of the 15,000-plus reports of violence in the home reported to them last year.
It is understood the new service – called the Adam Project (Action against Domestic Abuse for Men) – is the first dedicated service for men set up by a branch of Women's Aid.
The group, which has been supporting female victims for more than 30 years, formally agreed a change in its constitution to lift the limitation on supporting only women.
John – not his real name – said he felt he had nobody to turn to when the violence began shortly after he got engaged to the woman.
The 43-year-old, who lives near Loughborough, said: "It all ended about six years ago and I've managed to stay away from her – although that did involve moving.
"It hits your self-esteem as a man because you do catch yourself thinking 'why am I letting this happen?'.
"It's hard to explain but a bullying and domineering person can just wear you down and you get to the point where you just live with it.
"I put up with it for seven years – looking back I don't know why I stayed so long.
"She used to have screaming fits and she slapped and scratched me on many occasions. One time she threatened to stab me with scissors.
"I had bruises and cuts but I never hit her back. I couldn't do that. I felt there was nowhere to go because nobody would have any sympathy or even believe me.
"Hopefully the idea of a specialist service for men will bring victims out of hiding."
The group has also linked up with Leicester Lesbian and Gay Centre, in Wellington Street, in the city centre, because it believes men in same-sex relationships are also suffering abuse.
Pamela Richardson, chief executive of Women's Aid in Leicestershire, said: "Although the majority of abuse is experienced by women, we know men can also be victims. Domestic abuse is not acceptable whether the victim is male or female.
"We understand it can be difficult for men to ask for support."
Sergeant Pete Williams, domestic violence officer for Leicestershire police, said:
"Our statistics suggest men make up around 20 per cent of victims, so this is a really positive step."
Two men have been referred to the Adam Project in the past week by Leicester Domestic Violence Helpline, the city and county's main hotline for victims.
Women's Aid provides emergency refuge accommodation to women but cannot offer the same service to male victims at the moment.
Contact the Adam Project on 0116 242 6440 or by e-mailing:
adam.project@wallaction.org.uk
The Leicester Domestic Violence Helpline can be contacted on 0116 255 0004.
8 Comments
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by harish, leicester
Monday, August 30 2010, 3:00PM
“for the past 3 years i have tried to get help from the police,dvirp,dv, vitim support for my self without any sucess .. And even contacted the head of dv dept mentioned in the article ,, i have got deprression now due to many issues related to dv. Only thing to cansoule me is that my exwife is in prison for a seprate matter ..reported in mercury for theft of 150 k dated 7 th aug ,stole jewellery from her employers lumbers jewellers her name bina lodhia.”
by CGLee, near Melton
Thursday, August 26 2010, 4:37PM
“As "John" says "...I never hit her back". This is how it is with victims, even men (or, perhaps, especially men) who are disempowered by their abusers. There is nothing funny about being a victim, even if you are "supposed" to be the stronger partner. Hopefully, this initiative will prosper and be a genuine help for male victims.”
by Alison Stevens, East Goscote
Thursday, August 26 2010, 3:20PM
“Thank you Leicester Mercury for highlighting the plight of men suffering from domestic violence.
Out of embarrassment men have been deterred from seeking help and advice on this subject, and the subsequent statistics that in the majority of cases that it is the women that suffer this ordeal.
In some cases of domestic violence, children are being removed by Social Services, because children are deemed to be at risk as well.
I urge all gentlemen to seek help and advice by this well defined service.”
by Kal, Leicester
Thursday, August 26 2010, 1:23PM
“This is a major step forwards, the justification for demonising men as abusers and not acknowleding that we can be victims too.
This is despite all of the studies in the last 30 years including one performed at the LRI in the early ninties showing that there is almost a 50/50 split in the gender of victims, not to mention that the levels of domestic violence in Lesibian relations are equivilant to their hetrosexual counterparts. (Lie and Gentle warrior: Intimate Violence in Lesbian Relationships," Journal of Social Science Research, Vol. 15)
So a late intiative but most welcome all the same, long may it's funding continue!”
by vin, leicester
Thursday, August 26 2010, 12:31PM
“This is more deep seated than we realise, for example soaps like eastenders where peggy mitchell goes round slapping blokes for fun,but if a bloke goes round slapping women,oh my god major storyline.All the way through history it has generally been accepted that females can give a bloke a good slap,i just hope that more people male or female start changing their attitude and realise its not okay to slap anybody.”