By Sian Brewis

Eeeee, worra rip! In Cheryl Cole's Night In (ITV 1, Saturday, 6.30pm) presenter Holly Willoughby announces she'll be "digging deep for secrets."

She must have been doing that bit during the ad breaks. The closest you get to incisive questions from Holly during this hour-long plug for Chezza's album is: "Simon Cowell. Love him? Hate him?" and "Do you think he might fancy you a little bit?"

"Did you ever dare to dream that you would have achieved all you have?" she poses. "Do you like vacuous questioning on your own TV special?"

Professional

I may have made this last one up. But perhaps, somewhere, there is a late-night version in which Miss Willoughby actually crawls inside Cheryl's colon.

Ever the professional, wor Chezza smiles sweetly, dutifully reels off an anecdote or two about Simon Cowell – "he sez wor had the pursonalitee uf ah snay-el" – and looks faintly embarrassed as Will.I.Am describes her as "not only a great singer and a beautiful woman, but a great lyricist."

We learn what makes her tick when she's not on telly – "Me dogs. Me famalee. Coronation Street wi' a hobnob, liek." And that it takes two hours for her hair and make-up to be done on the X Factor. And she likes junk food. And, er, that's about it. Nowt about hubby Ashley – the one question about him is met with a bit of a nervous look – and definitely no mention of cheating, scandals or even why she keeps dressing like characters off Streetfighter II when performing her song.

On the X Factor, it was General Bison; on Cheryl Cole's Night In it's Chun Li. Who will it be next? The green monster Blanka? Mebbes it's her tribute to that other pint-sized princess of pop, Kylie, who was in the film with Jean-Claude Van Damme.

Mint! Chezza's slushy warbler Joe got through to the final in the X Factor (ITV 1, 7.30pm, Saturday), along with that shiny-suited showman Olly. Mind you, I have to admit that I'm glad the winner's not Stacey. Even if she did have Prince Harry supporting her in the audience, she really butchered that theme tune from Highlander.

Oh, hang on, it's Holly-of-the-tough-questions again, to console Stace on the Xtra Factor (ITV 2, Saturday, 9.30pm): "I mean, it's difficult, isn't it, because you guys are so close, I mean, friend-wise, you, Olly and Joe." Er, was there a question in there somewhere?

Funniest thing on telly last night was courtesy of The Best of TV Burp 6 (ITV 1, 6pm).

What's not to love about Harry Hill re-creating Rod Hull versus Russell Harty with an emu puppet dressed as Gail Pratt off Corrie?

Genius.

Almost as good as the woman coming out of Dev's and posting an invisible letter.