TV Review: All The Small Things
By Jeremy Clay
Where’s Kerry Packer when you finally need him?
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Not Really Very Good: All The Small Things
In the early 1990s, when the late media tycoon was boss of Down Under’s Nine Network, his channel launched a lewd new show called Australia Naughtiest Home Videos.
It didn’t even make it to the end of its first episode. A livid Packer was watching at home, and called the station to order them to “get that **** off the air.”
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After an ad break, the channel duly cut to a repeat of Cheers.
We could have done with someone like Packer at BBC1 during the final half hour of All The Small Things (9pm).
In Debbie Horsfield’s laughably bad new drama, which is stitched together with all the skill of a hook-handed drunk, Neil Pearson and Sarah Lancashire play a happily married couple who are the stalwarts of their local choir.
That choir appears to have been cast to hit BBC quotas – with a dwarf, an autistic kid and a Benny-from-Crossroads figure, with a stutter – but there was little in the opening minutes to suggest a looming calamity.
Lancashire’s a reliable performer. And there was plenty of choral singing, which must have been nice, if you like that sort of thing.
It wasn’t for me - wrong age, wrong genitalia – but it was pretty harmless, in a Mistresses meets Last Choir Standing kind of way.
But then, much like Jacqui Smith’s career, everything went horribly wrong.
The arrival of Sarah Alexander’s angel-voiced soprano Layla triggered an instantly-formed mid-life crisis for Pearson’s badly-drawn character, Michael.
So he walked out on his mumsy missus Esther (Lancashire), leaving her with the kids – including the troubled Kyle, played with startling inability by ex-Corrie goth Richard Fleeshman.
What followed had about as much subtlety as a stampede of elephants.
The gifted Kyle got bullied. And the spurned Esther formed a rival choir of her own. With guitars! And drums! Yeah, take that, Men.
And in an ending which even Home and Away writers would find cheesy, they took on Michael’s mob at a musical festival, and won. To the risible fury of Layla.
There may have been more; I could have missed something. But I was guffawing quite a bit by this stage.
That laughter was stopped dead by two words on the closing credits: Next time...
Oh, lordy. It’s a series.
Comments
by MAC, Eastbourne
Tuesday, April 28 2009, 11:46AM
“I enjoyed every minute of this light enterntainment programme. Bryan Dick is great, RACHEL is great and you know if it makes you smile , laugh and cry, then that's what it set out to do, it's good, it's light entertainment and entertaining me.”
by Fiona, Edinburgh
Wednesday, April 08 2009, 2:04PM
“It might be cheesy, it might be predictable, but you know, I laughed, I cried and not ashamed to admit I'm hooked .”
by Bruce, Wolverhampton
Wednesday, April 08 2009, 2:00PM
“I think perhaps some people take themselves a little too seriously. No it wasn't gritty, hard hitting, overly thought provoking or another indication of how dreadful and hopeless human existance is (in regards to the last part not Big Sodding Brother!). It was pleasing, entertaining and I enjoyed it very much. So thank you to the cast and the BBC I'm looking forward to the rest of the series. So nanananana.”
by christine, london
Friday, April 03 2009, 2:46PM
“The most toe-curlingly awful programme ever broadcast - utterly twee and nauseating”
by Lizzie, UK
Thursday, April 02 2009, 10:12AM
“This ignorant review shows why Jeremy Clay will never be the Michael Billington he obviuosly wishes to be!
Oh dear Mr Clay', you are a bitter old thing aren't you? Certainly not a journalist and most certainly lacking in any knowledge of drama.
Debbie Horsfield is a fine writer and the BBC have put together a superb cast.
Sarah lancashire, Neil Pearson, the multi talented Richard Fleeshman, who plays Kyle so sensitively, to name but a few.
There is a terrific Feel Good Factor to this drama and, no... there isn't abuse, graphic sex and violence (what a lovely change!). The first episode of any drama has a plot to set up. It certainly made me want to watch the next episode.
I'm sure 'Mr Clay' won't be watching, too busy sawing away at the bitter chips on those sad and bitter shoulders....”
by Jules, leicester
Wednesday, April 01 2009, 2:23PM
“I thought the show was pretty decent. It is essentially Kramer vs Kramer, with singing. I don't know whether the singing is dubbed or not, but the performances are pretty well done. It was a pretty intense pilot, Neil Pearson playing the slimey, inconsistent, backstabbing, husband while Sarah Lancashire justifies her casting with a solid performance as the down to earth, easily pleased house wife. Richard Fleesham also did very well, he certainly asserted himself as the confused teenager who has sworn his life to Tom Delonge. I was expecting the worst from this, but i was actually really interested and engaged. But my reservation is, it might only be a one off, it has 5 more episodes to go through and it could become a tedious fight between Pearson and Lancashire. But i will tune in next week, because i have to say, i was very impressed.”
by Raymond, Southampton
Wednesday, April 01 2009, 12:18PM
“It had a dodgy plot and unrealistic characters but it was entertaining!! Just don't take it seriously and you could definitely enjoy this very light-hearted drama.”
by Liz, London
Wednesday, April 01 2009, 12:04PM
“The plot was rather unsubtle and the characters a bit 2 dimensional but I have to admit I really enjoyed it! It delivered what it set out to - light hearted entertainment with a feel-good factor. Despite my better judgement, I will be tuning in again next week for the 2nd episode!”
by Mel, Liverpool
Wednesday, April 01 2009, 11:10AM
“This was truly dire. I couldn't tell whether or not the acting was bad, since the script and characters were so laughable. The pacing is off, the plot is ridiculous, and watching it actually made me feel depressed. How did anyone get involved in this?”
by julie, lincolnshire
Wednesday, April 01 2009, 10:24AM
“I thought All The Small Things was great. It makes a great change from all the reality tv shows that are normally aired at this time”