Thursday night's TV

Thursday night's TV

By Jeremy Clay

Remember that kid at school, the one who couldn’t figure out who he wanted to be?

First he was a Liverpool fan, then Man U. One week he loved indie, next he’d gone hip-hop and started talking like he was from South Central LA. Rather than Frisby-on-the-Wreake.

That’s a little like Five: a true flibbertigibbet of a channel.

Initially it was all sport and smut. Then, stung by the criticism (or the ridicule), it started screening art documentaries. Then it repositioned itself as canny importer of American cop shows and dramas. 

At the moment it’s going through another phase: it can’t get enough gruff stuff.

Its schedules are dotted with documentaries about working class men doing jobs that could kill them at any moment. Whilst sweating, cussing and smelling of old socks. 

This is testosterone TV, the flipside of the ever-more feminised world of telly, with its food shows, homes-porn and endless talent contests.

And after Ice Road Truckers and Axe Men – programmes which could be briskly summed up in a series of croaky exclamations: Hrrrrghhhhh. Nyyyyyrrrr. Whooooaaa – here’s Danger Men (9pm). With more of the same.

The opening episode was about blokes who repair power cables. While they’re still on. While dangling from a helicopter.

Needless to say, that’s pretty hazardous. But the voiceover said it anyway. Repeatedly.

And when the narrator wasn’t saying it, the crew were urging the workers to say it too.

“Our safety book has been written in blood,” said one, gravely. Crikey: is that allowed?

Despite all that ever-present peril, Danger Men was strangely flat. And with no real narrative structure, it felt at least 30 minutes too long.

Next week’s looks better though. It’s got men trying to catch rhinos, using their bare hands.

* In the days when ITV could be bothered with kids’ programming, there used to be a show called How, with Fred Dinenage and Gaz Top explaining puzzling things.

Gaz Top was supposed to be cool. They never got round to explaining that.

Anyway, it’s sort-of reborn on Five in the eager-to-please How Do They Do It? (7.30pm).

Last night, host Robert Llewellyn showed how they make Marmite, in a 10 minute segment which doubled as an elongated free advert.

How Do They Get Away With It?